well you can't waste a boner
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
