i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
