the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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