I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
