I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
