dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
