his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
