I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
