i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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