did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
