HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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