I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
