ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
