i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
