Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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