someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
