Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
