How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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