Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
