the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
