Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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