You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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