literally had 100 drinks last night.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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