he puts the penis in happiness.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
