Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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