The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
