shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
