your thong is hanging out like whoa
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
