I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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