There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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