Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
