I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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