Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
