you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
