I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
