I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
