yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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