dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
