And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
