i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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