Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
