Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
