it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
