My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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