I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
