So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
