I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
