so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
