i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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