She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
